The Control Paradox | LSW#54
How control influences anxiety and performance
What if the key to peak performance isn't about controlling stress, but about redefining your relationship with control? In today’s edition I share key ideas from sports psychology and practical ways to overcome anxiety that derails performance.
Hey! It’s Sheril Mathews from Leading Sapiens. Welcome to my newsletter, where I share strategies for getting savvier at the game of work.
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In leadership coaching, a recurring conversation is around anxiety, stress, and peak performance. Many talk about “managing anxiety” but never address its causes.
A primary culprit (and potential ally) is your relationship with control.
Consider these common high-stress workplace situations:
High-stakes project deadlines with multiple stakeholders and shifting priorities.
Aggressive revenue targets in a volatile market.
Taking on a new role with undefined boundaries and expectations.
In a normal work life, there are a thousand variations of these. And if there’s one thing for certain, the pace and complexity will continue to grow.
The key question is: what separates those who thrive under pressure from those who struggle, or worse burn out?
In my experience, one crucial factor stands out: our relationship with control. Mastering this dynamic can be transformative.
We’ll start with a fundamental psychological construct: locus of control.
Locus of control
Locus of control (LOC) influences how we perceive our ability to affect outcomes. It exists on a spectrum: those with an internal LOC believe their actions primarily drive results, while those with an external LOC tend to attribute outcomes to outside factors or chance. Research shows that an internal LOC correlates with better stress management and performance.
LOC sounds straightforward. If you're reading this, you likely lean towards an internal LOC. However, our LOC can shift over time, especially in complex work environments.
As careers progress and responsibilities increase, many people experience a sense of diminished control. In large organizations, it's common for numerous factors beyond our control, despite holding senior positions.
Given these dynamics, an important question arises: How can we maintain awareness of our LOC and internal orientation?
To explore this, we’ll turn to sports psychology, where mental conditioning plays a crucial role in performance.
Efforts vs results
In his classic, The Inner Game of Tennis, Tim Gallwey argues that fixating on outcomes hinders our ability to focus on the process, which should be our primary concern. He states:
When one is emotionally attached to results that he can’t control, he tends to become anxious and then try too hard. But one can control the effort he puts into winning. One can always do the best he can at any given moment. Since it is impossible to feel anxiety about an event that one can control, the mere awareness that you are using maximum effort to win each point will carry you past the problem of anxiety.
As a result, the energy which would otherwise have gone into the anxiety and its consequences can then be utilized in one’s effort to win the point. In this way one’s chances of winning the outer game are maximized.Thus …it is the moment-by-moment effort to let go and to stay centered in the here-and-now action which offers the real winning and losing, and this game never ends.
Gallwey makes the distinction between “result” and “effort.” His thesis is simple:
Fixating on uncontrollable results breeds anxiety. Focusing on controllable efforts quashes it.
Energy freed from anxiety fuels performance.
Most importantly, the “inner game” of effort is always winnable and in our control.
It also shows the typical downward spiral we fall into:
Result-obsession hinders performance.
Poor outcomes spike anxiety.
Anxiety clouds judgment and execution.
Subpar performance reinforces result-fixation.
Rinse and repeat.
Gallwey’s “emotional attachment” refers to our need to control the outcome, and anxiety arises from the fact that it’s not in our control. The trick lies in distinguishing between the two, and more importantly remembering it during crucial moments.
A better relationship with control also means increasing the elusive notion of leadership confidence:
Confidence lies in knowing that you did whatever was in your power to do.
— Donald Robertson
In sports, “results” and “efforts” are clear. In the world of work, this can get murkier. How do we improve this discernment?
Control vs. influence vs. concerns
Consider the following “worries”:
How well is my team doing?
Will we meet targets for this quarter/year?
Am I still in contention for that next role?
These concerns can be overwhelming, but not all are in your direct control. A useful framework for categorizing these issues is the "Circle of Control, Influence, and Concern":
Control: Aspects you directly control, such as actions, decisions, and responses.
Influence: Areas where you can exert influence but don't have full control, like team performance or project outcomes.
Concern: Issues that affect you but are largely beyond your control.
Locus of control and the circle of control stem from the 2,000-year-old Stoic notion of Dichotomy of Control.
Behaviors vs. feelings
Another nuance is that “mindset” or “feelings” don’t have to precede the right actions. Physical reality is easier to control than psychological reality — you can take the right actions regardless of how you “feel” about something. We often know what needs to be done, we’re just not in the “right” frame of mind. But this causation is not one way:
Too many people spend too much time evaluating why they aren't making those necessary phone calls instead of making the phone calls. We can immobilize ourselves by overinterpreting, overplanning, overevaluating. Remember, the locus of freedom and control in our lives remains in our behavior.
To believe that feelings cause behavior leads anyone to the dangerous belief that feelings must be "fixed" somehow before behavior can change. They don't need to be fixed, and no one knows how to fix them anyway. That whole theoretical pathway walks us away from our natural freedom of behavior. It restricts us where we need not be restricted. We may become unnecessarily sidetracked into feeling-focused self-analysis.…We can control what we do, but not the results of our doing.
— David Reynolds in Handbook of Constructive Living
Implementing the ideas
As with many approaches that actually work, the ideas are simple. But execution is where we falter. Without a system that incorporates them into your daily routines, it’s easy to forget them. Here are some that have worked well in my practice.
Focusing on controllable factors
Worry scheduling: When facing a challenge, spend only 5 minutes worrying about uncontrollable aspects or allocate a “worry time slot” in the future. Then, shift focus entirely to actionable items. This creates a habit of quickly shifting to productive thinking.
Control journaling: Each evening, list three things you controlled well and one area where you struggled with control. This builds self-awareness around control.
Influence mapping: For major projects or goals, create a visual map distinguishing between direct control, influence, and concern areas. This clarifies where to direct energy and focus.
Dichotomy decisions: When making important decisions, ask "What aspects are truly in my control?" Write these down to clarify your sphere of influence and guide your actions.
Shifting locus of control inwards
Reframing response: Practice reframing external events in terms of your response. Instead of "This client is impossible," try "How can I adapt my approach to better serve their needs?"
Post/Pre-mortem: After setbacks, analyze your decisions and actions. This isn't about self-blame, but for identifying agency and learning. Better yet, do a pre-mortem to identify potential failure points and develop contingency plans.
Purpose anchoring: Create a personal mission statement and revisit it weekly. This maintains certainty of purpose amidst unpredictable results.
Control strategies as you advance in the org
Macro-micro balance: Develop the ability to zoom out for big-picture thinking while also diving into details when necessary. This dual focus helps maintain a sense of control.
Delegation as control: Reframe it not as losing control, but as extending your influence. Focus on selecting the right people, setting clear expectations, and creating accountability systems.
Values-driven decisions: Anchor your choices in values and principles as decision complexity increases. This provides a stable framework for navigating uncertainty.
Expecting turbulence: Carry out "what if" scenario planning sessions for effective responses instead of trying to control every variable.
These are practical techniques and cognitive shifts that help maintain agency and effectiveness.
Wrapping up
Understanding our relationship with control is key to managing anxiety and improving performance.
Remember to:
Shift your focus from results to efforts.
Assess your sphere of control and influence regularly.
Take action, even when feelings don't align.
Mastering these principles won't eliminate challenges, but will equip you to navigate them effectively. As you apply these ideas, you'll find that letting go of control paradoxically increases your impact and effectiveness.
That’s it for today’s edition. If you found this valuable, please like and share. It makes my day, and helps other folks to find this publication. See you next week!